internalised self-restraint

Photo by Khara Woods on Unsplash

the truth is, it was all a big fat lie just bidding time to burst at the seams.

except that very last time we saw each other. she held out her arms as she walked towards me as i stood there transfixed not knowing what to do because i was already letting go. i had been doing that since the first days we got together because neither of us had planned it to last. and when she reached me, she gathered me into her arms, her hands clasping at the centre of my back, her head resting just under my right shoulder.

"'i'm sorry," she said. i wanted to say, yes, me too. yes, i know. but my words, her words would not be enough. so i kissed the top of her head and held her back. this was the most honest we'd ever be, this farewell. this curtain call, this was the only thing we did not fabricate, did not orchestrate. every bone, every breath, every moment of this goodbye were the only sincere thing we'd have. and then we went our separate wa…