there's always that one or two aunts whose only repertoire of speech is hurtful comments about your weight (not that they look any better than you or have found the cure to cancer , ha!). you used to be bugged about this but you no longer care. because you now have the skill of not giving fucks to small minds who have never gotten out of their small glass house and have no idea that the world is so much more than just how much a person weighs.
when you have finally returned home after being away for years (fuck years; for days, even) except for the occasional term breaks, all that matters now is your mother's cooking that you had missed. all that matters now is catching up on all your favourite night markets and kedai bakso. all that matters now is going out to eat with your family whenever they are free for some face stuffing activities.
all that matters now is you healing your ravenous heart of hearts, you finally coming home after your long self-exile, you seeing the faces of your beloved, each and everyone of them. food is just the medium, the excuse, and sometimes the only reason.
you can always lose weight. you can always squeeze back into that favourite pair of jeans that's a bit too snug now.
but this moment, here and now, this humble, homely banquet with your loved ones, this very second of sitting right next to them where you are no longer eating together over crappy video calls, this sublimity of simply existing in the same space as the beloveds, it's irreplaceable.
you seize it and hold on to it. this is your lifeline. these are your heartbeats, the blood in your veins, the reason for all your reasons.
but it's hard to talk about sublime things with shallow people whose only notion of success is maintaining a youthful body weight and shape. it's hard to talk about carpe-ing the diem with backward people whose only talking point is superficial aesthetics.
it's hard to give a fuck when there's an immense amount of fuckery not given. at all.
some people are just not worthy of your time. and for those who are, you go and eat with them. today and everyday.